Richard Rohr’s online meditations one week concluded with the daily prayer thought, “Humble me.” I whispered this sentence with some trepidation.
Can I honestly ask for this? It seems more natural to pray, ”Bless me and mine,” or to request peace or healing.
As one who now has lived almost 65 years, I am all too aware of what I am asking when I pray for humility. Throughout my life it has been abundantly clear that I am most humbled in the lowest times. My experiences of pain, loss, betrayal, and failure are what have made me humblest. In these dark nights of the soul I have been driven to my knees, aware of my own insufficiency, when all I could do was cry out for God’s help in utter dependence and helplessness.
Doesn’t petitioning for humility mean inviting more pain, more anguish, more harsh lessons? A frisson of fear slithers down my spine.
Then my heart reminds me how these incidents always end. God comforts, forgives, heals, reassures, encourages. Always, always. When desperation proves I have come to the end of myself, it is God’s power, God’s provision, God’s sufficiency that then works the miracle. When I am all too aware of my inadequacy, divine light shines through and blesses me, usually beyond anything I could have imagined. God whispers, “Let go and let me.”
If crisis is the opportunity to know God better and trust God more, of what am I afraid? If growth and bloom lie ahead of me, I will accept gladly the sacrifice of my ego-based desires and simply say, “Thy will be done. If I can learn more of You, become closer to You, and be a better servant to a hurting world, then I can raise my head and shout with courageous joy, ‘Bring it on! Humble me! With You, God, I can take it.’ “
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Phil.4:13